Neeraj Verma is M.A. in psychology with an MBA and works with a consulting firm in Delhi. With his heart in counseling, he likes to share his views with the youth community in general. In this monthly column he would reflect on the topics concerning youth of India.



  The transformation of our society has given way to a totally new concept of marriage of the youngsters in the contemporary times. In the early times, in extreme orthodox families, parents, without even taking the consent of the boy/girl fixed their marriage. Whether the boy/girl liked his/her partner was never asked. In a nutshell, parent’s decision was ultimate and was never questioned.  

Gone are the days when marriage or the so-called ‘fate’ of the children was decided by their parents. Today, the boy/girl has all the rights to choose the partner of his/hers choice. The parents have become more supportive and express full confidence in their children’s choice/decision. 

Both, the arranged as well as love marriage have their own advantages and disadvantages. In arranged marriage, love happens after the marriage as the partners get to know each other only after their marriage. Also, the mystery about one’s partner keeps the relationship interesting and everlasting. Both the partners unfold themselves slowly after the marriage, and this keeping the relationship going. But, the major disadvantage of arranged marriage is that one doesn’t really know much about one’s partner before the marriage. Whether they would be able to manage well with each other or not after the marriage is left entirely on destiny.  

On the contrary, in love marriage, both the partners know each other well in advance. In fact, marriage is just a legal label on their relationship. Here, one is sure of the partner’s likes and dislikes. Also, in love marriage, one is happier to marry the person of one’s choice. But, despite the fact that in love marriage, the partners know each other much better as compared to arranged marriage; yet the data shows that the success rate of arranged marriage is much higher than love marriage. Does this means that arranged marriage is better than love marriage? 

The low success rate of love marriage is primarily due to the fact that in love marriage the partners know each other so well in advance that they hardly find anything new in their life after their marriage. This monotony in their life and desire for something ‘new’ causes major difference of opinion over trivial matters among the partners. It leads to frustration and ultimately breaking up of the relationship. 

The other reason is that before marriage the girl is treated as a ‘queen’ and gets all the possible care and attention from the guy. After the marriage, somehow, due to additional responsibilities, the guy is unable to give comparatively, the same amount of love and attention as before. This makes the girl feel that the guy has lost interest in her and is no longer the same person she loved. This negative thinking/mentality leads to major shuffles over minor things and ultimately tensions in the relationship. 

In spite of all this, given a choice, most of the youngsters would go for love marriage instead of arranged marriage. This shows that love marriage is preferred by the youngsters over arranged marriage. But, there are lot of issues one has to deal with while going for love marriage. What can one do at an individual level to reduce the failure of love marriage? Should one leave it as it is?  

One has to have a balanced approach to tackle with these issues. On the guy’s side, he should make sure that even after the marriage, the girl still gets the same amount of attention and most importantly same amount of love as before. The girl has to be treated like a queen and it should continue even after the marriage. On the girl’s side, she should understand that after the marriage things don’t remain the same as before. She has to be more understanding and support her partner rather than fighting over trivial matters. 

                                                                                       -Neeraj Verma

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Previous Cloumns:

THE EVOLUTION OF LOVE: 60’s vis-a-vis Today







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