Neeraj Verma is M.A. in psychology with an MBA and works with a consulting firm in Delhi. With his heart in counseling, he likes to share his views with the youth community in general. In this monthly column he would reflect on the topics concerning youth of India.


THE EVOLUTION OF LOVE: 60’s vis-a-vis Today

 Love is a synonym of sacrifice and care, Love is life.”-  This would probably be the answer if one would ask the people of 60’s. But, The concept of love and so its definition seems to have changed in the contemporary times. Today, If you ask any youngster to define love, one would probably say- “Love is a temporary infatuation that starts with a smile, builds with a kiss and ends in tears!” A very pessimistic and irrational response, isn’t it? 

In the early times, love was considered as a sacred and pure feeling one developed for the other person. The physical appearance of the person would hardly matter in the development of love for him/her. The meaning of love was to devote oneself entirely to that person and there was no room for even the thought of any other person. The relationship was so intense that even the strong family bonds could not come in between them. Such a relationship was condemned by the society at that time; but even then the partners would decide to run away and marry, if parent’s consent was not given. Thus, one sees that there was a strong commitment among the lovers in the early times.

Ironically, the entire concept of love in the contemporary times seems to be different from what it was in the 60’s. Today, a guy falls in love with every beautiful girl he sees around him. Nowadays, the physical appearance of a person has become so important that one hardly cares about the internal qualities. The relationships these days are short term and hardly lead into nuptial knots. It is very disgusting at times to learn that even though boys and girls share everything in the relationships i.e. from thoughts to bed, they break off very soon due to a very weak emotional bonding in their relationship. Is this love?

This is primarily for two reasons: The Ego Problem and the increasing pressure on the youngsters to prove themselves in the tough competitive world. 

 Ego is the main cause of breaking up of the relationships. Ego should be present in the person but not in excess. Excessive ego hinders the smooth flow of the relationship, resulting in difference of opinions between the partners. It leads to tensions and ultimately breaking up of the relationship. Inspite of best efforts, ego comes into play and spoils the relationships. The attempt in such a situation should be to think positive and recollect the good time one had in the relationship. Also, thinking about the positive qualities of the person and re-living the unforgettable moments of the relationship helps in such a situation.

 In today’s highly fast-paced and competitive enviourment, youngsters have a tremendous pressure on them to prove themselves in the job market.  The relationship such as love demands a lot of time from both the partners. In such a competitive scenario, one doesn’t really have enough time for oneself, forget about sparing time for others. In such a pressurizing situation, one doesn’t like to make any commitment with the partner till one is well settled. As a result of this maddening race for success, one finds it very difficult to manage the relationship effectively. A stage comes when one has to choose between the partner and one’s career; and due to the pressure to prove oneself, one prefers the career.

 We have examples of lovers from the history - Romeo & Juliet, Heer – Ranza etc. But can we give any such example in the present days? This shows that love is no longer the same, as it used to be in the early times. It has changed both in concept and approach. It is quite imperative that in today’s time this four-letter word – love, has very less significance left in the heart and minds of most of the youngsters.

 Looking at the current attitude of most of the youngsters towards love, one can rightly define love as L -Lake of sorrows, O – Ocean of tears, V –Valley of death, E – End of life!

 Although, this four-letter word has different significance for different people, one thing is certain, everybody falls in love at one point of time or the other in his/her life. One needs to have a clean and mature mind to enter into such a sacred relationship and once entered, respect it too. The true measure of love is when you believe that you alone can love, that nobody would have loved in the same manner before you and that no body would ever love in the same manner after you!  

                                                                                       -Neeraj Verma

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