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FUNNY AND      
NAUGHTY SMS

Classroom

Lecturer: The lecturer is taking the class seriously.
One of the student looking towards the window side in the class room.
The lecturer asks the student "For what purpose you are coming to the school?"
Student: For vidhya sir(In Telugu Vidhya means Education).
Lecturer: Then why you are looking towards window?
Student: Vidhya(Girl friend) has not come upto now sir.

Contributed by: Mr.Raju, sjraju@hotmail.com

Laloo Prasad  was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar. The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very ineficient," he stated. "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar!" 

After having their 11th child, Laloo & Rabri decided that was enough. So then Laloo went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife did not want any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a Diwali bomb, light it, put it in a empty Coke can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. Laloo said to the doctor, "I'm the smartest man in Bihar, but I don't see how putting a Diwali atom bomb in a Coke can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem." So the couple drove to Delhi to get a second opinion. The Delhi physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed by their Medical records that they were from Bihar. This doctor instead told Laloo to go home and get a Diwali atom bomb, light it, place it in a Coke can and hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians knew what they were talking about and couldn't be wrong, Laloo went home, lit a atom bomb, put it in a coke can. He held it up to his ear and began to count with his fingers on his left hand : "1,2,3, 4,5" At which point he paused, placed the coke can between his legs and resumed counting on the other hand.

Contributed by: Mrs. Ranjana Biyani, Patna

More....

Sardarji Jokes  

You can be sure the person is Sardar when he:
- Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.
- Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
- Thinks socialism means partying.
- Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
- At the bottom of the application where it says, "Sign here" he puts "Sagittarius."
- Sells the car for gas money.
- Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
- Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and   goes home.
     * * * * * *
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
     * * * * * *
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
     * * * * * *
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
    * * * * * *
Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
    * * * * * *
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
    * * * * * *
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
   * * * * * *
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
   * * * * * *
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
   * * * * * *
Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
   * * * * * *
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
   * * * * * *

Contributed by: Miss Kriti Kedia, Howrah

A minister and a mad... 

Once a Minister went to the Agra Mental Asylumto see the condition of the mad people kept there. He saw that some mad people had gone from bad to worse and some mad people were improving. After inspecting some mad people he came to a corner and saw one person who was sitting rather quietly. He went to him and asked him how are you and that person calmly replied I am fine and asked "What about you Sir". The Minister was quite surprised at the reply. The Minister asked him many questions about General knowledge and to his surprise the mad man answered them all right. The surprised Minister told him,"you dont seem to be mad then why are you kept here. The person replied,"kya kare sahab majburi hai". The minister took out a cigarette packet and took one cigarette and gave the packet to the lunatic. He took out all the cigarettes and peeled the paper cover off and took out all the tobacco and put it on his head and asked the minister for a lighter. The minister gave him a lighter. He burnt the tobacco on his head, opened his pajamas and asked the Minister,"Sahab Hukkah Peeyenge".

Contributed by: Mr. Murtaza, Calcutta, India Email : murtz@rediffmail.com


SURVEY

An official Gallup survey polled over 1000 women with the question:

Would you sleep with Bill Clinton?

   1% said, "No"

   2% said, "Yes"

   97% said, "Never Again" 

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CLINTON AND THE POPE AT THE PEARLY GATES

Bill Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul up on the part of Yama, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope was sent to hell.

The Pope explained the situation to the devil, who checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error.

The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good-bye to the Pope as he went off to heaven.

On his way up, the Pope met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stopped to chat.

Pope: Sorry about the mix up.

Clinton: No problem!

Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven.

Clinton: Why is that? It's not that great.

Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.

Clinton: Sorry, your Holiness -- but you're about a day late.

****************************************************

Banta shows up at his friend Santa Singh’s place in a Brand New Cycle - Lady Bird.

Santa: Wow Banta, Where did you get the cycle, from?
Banta: I was walking on the highway when a beautiful lady came in this cycle and asked me -"want a ride Mr. Singh?"
I hopped in, and she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me "Mr. Singh. take anything"
Santa is quite excited and asks "What did you do Santa?"
Banta: I took the cycle.
Santa: good show - you wouldn’t have fit into her clothes!

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Tamil Jokes:

What’s the opposite of Gopalakrishnan? Comepalakrishnan.

How do they start a road race in Tamil Nadu? Ready....Steady.....PO

What do you call a really colorful Tamilian? Rangamannar Rangarajan.

How does a Tamilian introduce the Tennis superstar Lendl? Avan Lendl (Ivan = ‘he’ in Tamil).

What did the Tamilian call the tall building a Japanese built? Nikumo Nikado (Will it or won’t it stand?)
 

****************************************************

Maharashtrian Jokes 

What is a gay Maharashtrian called? Deccan Queen

What do you call a westernized Maharashtrian? Western Ghat.

What do you call a Maharashtrian tailor? Sadashiv. Which Maharashtrians wrote the book ‘Apartheid in South Africa?’ Dhaval Gore and
Krishnakant Kale.

What did Bruce Lee say to the Maharashtrian? Tumhi Marathe, Aamhi Karate.

 ****************************************************

Gujju Jokes

Why did the Gujjus think the man who acted as Gandhi in the film was a woman?

Because his name was ‘Ben’ Kingsley.

Why does the Gujju go to London? To see his Big Ben.

Why did the visitor to the Gujju home run away when he was offered tea?

Because the Gujju said he would serve snakes with it. (snacks)

What is a Gujju picnic called? A snake in the grass

Why did the Gujju wear a Tuxedo to his vasectomy? If he was going to be impotent, he wanted to look impotent.

Why did the American get scared of the Gujju? Because he said ‘Sue kare chhe.’

Why did Bill Clinton have the Gujju beaten? The Gujju told him, You are an impotent man.

What will a Gujju tell a tomato who is trailing in a vegetable race?

Come on, Tomato, Ketch up

What did the Gujju mean when he said, Maro dikro STATES ma gayon? His son failed in statistics.

What did the Gujju mean when he said. Maro dikro Dubai gayo? My son drowned.

 ****************************************************

 Sindhi Jokes:

What do you call a Sindhi communist? Lalwani.

What do you call a Sindhi who falls from the first floor? Thadani.

What do you call a Sindhi who falls from the 6th floor? Kriplani What do you call a Sindhi who falls from the 20th floor? Marjani.

What do you call a corrupt Sindhi? Chaipani.

Why are a Sindhis nostrils big? Because the air is free.

What do you call a Sindhi who is forgetful? Bhulchandani.

What do you call a Sindhi electrician? Bijlani

What do you call a Sindhi Postman? Mailwani.

What do you call a Sindhi who is fashionable? Primlani.

What do you call a Sindhi cook? Kukreja.

What do you call a fat Sindhi? Hathiramani.

 ****************************************************

Bengali Jokes

What do you call an enlightened Bengali? Jyoti Basu.

What do you call a talkative Bengali? Bolbol Chatterjee.

What do you call an outlawed Bengali? Bonduk Bannerjee.

What do you call a dark Bengali in a dark cave? Kalidas Guha.

When does the Bengali sound like a dog? When he bharks (works). (which is rarely!

A Bengali Peeping Tom? ...Key holo

****************************************************

Malayalee Jokes

What do you call an amazing Malayalee? Pheno Menon.

What do you call a dashing Malayalee? Debo Nair.

Why do they require 5 people for a Malayalee funeral? Four to carry the coffin, one to carry the two-in-one.

What do you call a Malayalee drunkard? Kutty Sark.

Why did the Malayalee cross the road? To join the union on the other side.

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