I don't have "the mood"

Rajni is a typical Indian middleclass housewife. This is what she has to say about her family, "I have a wonderful husband and three darling children. My husband is a loving, involved father, and good provider. We can afford for me to stay home with the children. I feel very fulfilled being a fulltime mom, and also feel I am doing a good job at it. I am able to put a lot of time into planning healthy meals and good activities."

Ask her how her love life is and this is what she has to say. "The thing is, it is a rewarding but pretty exhausting job! When I finally crawl into bed at night, the first thing I want to do is to just lay there for a few moments with no one touching me! I can fall asleep in about five seconds. I am so tired. But my husband always seems to be in the mood. He is right there being very amorous the moment I touch the sheets. I find myself feeling irritated and wishing he would just talk to me a little or even just cuddle in a non-groping way. Of course I adore him a lot but I am spurning his advances more often than not. I only hope I find some way I can get back to my previous 'moods' before my husband starts looking elsewhere."

Rajni's story is similar in nature except that she isn't a housewife but a working mother. She says, "After the long day at work and the painful commuting, I have to sort things out at home, even though my mother-in-law helps in some of the jobs. I can hardly keep myself awake by the time my husband comes to bed. He generally tries to convince me to make love but it has been some time since we made love."

Rajni is one of millions,  facing a declining love life and thus fear that it could eventually affect their marital life. But is that the way our love lives should progress? Most women are caught in the daily routine and experience a great, if not huge lack of the need for love making, and the only thing we want at the end of another long and hard day is a good night's sleep.

Unless we start making an effort to change things, things never change. Make an effort, today. Start with something very basic - start talking. Talk to your husband and talk before you turn away from him. Talking to each other is usually a great idea for each of you to understand the other better. Tell your husband that you would like to stay awake and make love, but given your current lifestyle, it would mean that you would have to plan it out by making an appointment. That can be a good starter because both of you would find yourself looking forward to it. This could even progress it onto your finding the energy to make love spontaneously. Have a great time!