|
Masturbation
Masturbation
is the deliberate stimulation of one's own genitals to achieve sexual
arousal and pleasure. It is done at least occasionally by a majority of
both men and women. In one recent national study, 95 percent of men and
89 percent of women reported having masturbated. It is the first overt
sexual act for the majority of men and women, although more women than
men engage in sexual intercourse before they ever masturbate. Most men
who masturbate tend to do so more often than women, and they are more
likely to report always or usually experiencing orgasm when they
masturbate (80 percent to 60 percent respectively). It is the second
most common sexual behavior (coitus being first), even for those who
have a regular sexual partner.
Most children - often
from the time they are infants onward - find the occasional stimulation
of their genitals sensually pleasing, but do not come to understand this
behavior as "sexual" until late childhood or adolescence.
During adolescence, the percentage of both sexes who report masturbating
increases dramatically, especially for males. Most people continue to
masturbate in adulthood, and many do so throughout their lives.
The term masturbation
conjures up many myths about its damaging and debasing nature. Its
negative images may be traced as far back as the word's Latin origin,
masturbare, which is a combination of two Latin words, manus (hand) and
stuprare (defile), thus "to defile with the hand." The
built-in notion of shame and uncleanliness implied by the defiling
portion of the word has remained in the modern translation - even though
medical authorities have been in agreement for some time that
masturbation causes no physical or mental harm. Nor is there any
evidence that children who engage in self-stimulation are in any way
harmed by it.
The fact that this
important source of sexual pleasure is still regarded by some with guilt
and anxiety is partly due to ignorance of the fact that masturbation is
not harmful and partly due to centuries of religious teaching that it is
sinful. In addition, many of us have received negative messages about
masturbation from our parents or have even been punished when caught
masturbating as children. The cumulative effect of these influences is
usually confusion and guilt that is often difficult to sort out. About
the only time masturbation can be harmful is when it becomes compulsive.
Compulsive masturbation, like all other compulsive behaviors, is a sign
of an emotional problem and needs to be addressed by a mental health
specialist.
So, contrary to ancient
and popular beliefs, masturbation does not lead to unbridled lust, does
not make you blind or deaf, give you the flu, drive you crazy, grow hair
on your hand, make you stutter, or kill you. Masturbation is a natural
and harmless expression of sexuality in both men and women and a
perfectly good way to experience sexual pleasure. In fact, some experts
argue that masturbation improves sexual health by increasing an
individual's understanding of his or her own body and of what is
erotically pleasing, building self-confidence and fostering
self-acceptance. This knowledge can then be carried forth to make for a
more satisfying sexual relationship with one's partner, both through
each partner's comfort with mutual masturbation, and because of the
ability to tell each other what is most pleasing. It is a good idea for
a couple to discuss their attitudes about masturbation and to calm any
insecurities a partner may have if the other should sometimes favor
masturbation over sexual intercourse. In some relationships,
masturbation may be mutually acceptable. Done alone or in the presence
of a partner, the act can be pleasing and add to mutual intimacy if it
is not experienced as a rejection. Like most behaviors, without proper
communication, the act of masturbation can be used as a sign of anger,
alienation or displeasure with the way the relationship is progressing.
Overcoming society's
negative stereotypes and one's personal feelings about masturbation can
allow men and women the freedom to explore and experience their own
sexuality in a private, satisfying manner. One word of caution: in
keeping with the practices of safer sex, masturbation with a partner can
be an enjoyable alternative to intercourse, as long as you avoid contact
with your partner's semen or vaginal fluids, especially if you have any
cuts or open sores.
|
Sex
