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Sex
aids or sex toys
Sex aids or sex toys
are devices made to vary or enhance pleasure during sexual activity.
They are used primarily on the genitals or around the genitals, but some
can be used on other parts of the body as well. People use them when
they are on their own or with partners. On the whole, people who use sex
aids do not use them every single time they engage in sex nor do they
always use the same aid on each occasion.
The list of sex aids is a
long one. They are usually sold in special erotica shops or through mail
order catalogues. Some of the more common ones include the following:
Vibrators.
Vibrators are electrical machines powered by batteries or plugged into
electrical outlets. They come in different sizes and shapes; some have
variable speed controls to allow the user to personalize the intensity
of the stimulation.
The more popular kinds of
personal vibrators are battery powered, cylindrical or penis shaped in
different diameters and lengths, and sometimes come with attachments for
different parts of the body.
The sexual sensations
produced by a vibrator can be both intense and rapidly felt. Vibrators
must be used gently on sensitive body tissue. Some people use a towel
between the skin and the vibrator to cut down on the intensity of the
sensation. Using a water-based lubricant can also make a vibrator more
comfortable and stimulating.
Vibrators, especially
AC-powered models, are never to be used in or with water, and battery
powered models may overheat if used for extended periods of time.
Ben Wa Balls.
This device, which originated in the orient, consists of a set of two
metal balls. One is solid and is placed in the vagina near the cervix;
the other one is partially filled with mercury and is also placed in the
vagina, near the first one. Any movement causes the mercury filled ball
to hit the deeper one, spreading vibrations through the vaginal area.
Women primarily use them on their own, but they can also be incorporated
into sexual activity with a partner.
Cock Rings.
A cock ring is a metal, leather, or rubber ring-shaped device, usually
from 1 1/2 to 2 inches in diameter. The testicles and the erect penis
are slipped through the ring, which fits tightly, putting pressure on
the dorsal vein of the penis. The idea is that the cock ring will keep
the blood that has engorged the penis from flowing out. The man will
therefore retain his erection longer and, theoretically, be able to
prolong his sexual activity. Some men also wear cock rings when they
want their genitals to look larger under their pants. Proper fit is
important so that the penis and testicles do not get bruised. Caution is
needed not to wear the rings too tightly or for an extended period of
time, since they act as a tourniquet limiting blood flow and can cause
severe damage to the genitals.
Erotic Creams, Lotions
and Oils. These come in various scents and
flavors and are primarily designed to make caressing and massage more
sensuous, though some are used as lubricants for intercourse. The
sensations and scents of creams, lotions and oils on the skin can be
arousing for some people. The flavor of the cream or oil is often
important for couples who want to have oral sex or like to kiss their
partner's body all over.
French Ticklers.
French ticklers are devices that fit over the penis and are designed to
tickle and increase sensation in the vagina during intercourse. These
devices are pre-shaped (unlike condoms, which come rolled up) and their
surfaces are equipped with ridges and small probes. French ticklers can
be reused after thorough washing. It is important to note that while
they fit over the penis in a fashion similar to condoms, they are NOT
birth control devices
Leather Garments and
Accessories. Leather has a distinctly erotic
appeal for some people. It is a common element in sadomasochistic (S&M)
fantasies used to express dominance . Some people get excited if
threatened by someone who is clothed in leather or who is using leather
implements. The dominant person (sadist) in these scenarios also usually
derives pleasure from the wearing or use of leather. Leather is also
used in bondage and discipline (B&D) in the form of harnesses or
straps.
Masturbators.
These are devices with soft, usually latex sleeves, often designed to
resemble the female vagina, into which a man can place his erect penis.
If this sexual aid is an electrically or battery powered model, it can
be controlled by the user to operate at varying desired speeds to create
a rhythmic motion, stimulating the man to reach orgasm and ejaculate.
Penis Extenders.
A penis extender is a hollow penis-shaped device that is placed over the
end of the penis to make it seem larger. Usually it is held in place by
straps or a harness that goes around the waist.
The use of sex aids and
sex toys is not readily accepted by all. For the most part sex toys are
designed solely to increase pleasure. Because our society is in conflict
over the rightness of sexual pleasure, it is not surprising that sex
toys are subject to numerous myths and controversies. Some of the more
common misconceptions are: that the use of sexual aids is a sign of
being a pervert; that using sexual devices in a relationship is a sign
that the relationship is not going well; people who use sexual aids
become addicted to them; and homosexuals use sex aids more that
heterosexuals do. None of these, of course, is true.
Nonetheless, many people
feel ambivalent about using sex aids. They may feel that using
mechanical devices during intimate moments is unnatural, depersonalizing
or replacing their partner. While these concerns may have merit, it is
generally not simply the use of sex aids that contributes to ill
feelings, but how they are used and what their use means to an
individual or to a couple. If the use of sexual aids objectifies or
depersonalizes sexual experiences, there may be a problem in the
relationship that requires attention. If people are using sexual devices
as a crutch because they feel inadequate or inferior, then their
negative feelings may need to be explored. Under circumstances like
these, the use of sexual devices can be unhealthy substitutes for
interpersonal relationships.
Some couples find that a
healthy relationship can comfortably accommodate the addition of sex
toys. Others may find that after some experimentation they prefer to do
without them. Still others may feel that their sexual value is
threatened by the use of sex aids. An insecure individual may wonder if
his or her partner is using a sex aid because of dissatisfaction with
him or her.
These issues and any
others that may be raised as a result of introducing sexual aids may be
seen as an opportunity for individuals and couples to explore their
feelings and discover the problems in their relationships. It is
important to consider, however, that using sex aids is normal and not
using sex aids is normal. It is simply a matter of individual
preference.
Although the majority of
sex aids and toys are sold to people who use them just to enhance their
pleasure, some can be used in the treatment of sexual problems. Videos,
audiotapes and written material can be helpful in assisting an
individual or a couple to overcome anxiety or lack of information. Also,
sexual devices can be particularly helpful for some disabled people
whose disability inhibits their sexual expression. In order to improve
communication and intimacy, marital and sex therapists suggest that
couples who have concerns or fears about the use of sex aids or toys
should be encouraged to talk openly with their partner about their
feelings.
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